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Fic Update: Things That Never Happened Between Bones & Booth (4/?)
B&W B/B - lerdo
only_more_love
Title:  Things That Never Happened Between Bones & Booth (4/?)
Chapter:  4/?
Chapter Title:  Truth Serum
Characters:  Booth, Brennan
Series Summary:  A series of one-shots in response to the 5 Things That Never Happened challenge. Each chapter covers something that didn't happen between Booth and Brennan, but could have. 
Chapter Summary:  Brennan always gets the last word.   This chapter is set a few weeks after Santa in the Slush.
Disclaimer: Bones and its characters belong to FOX, not me. This story is purely meant to entertain. No copyright infringement is intended.
Notes:  Part of me is tempted to continue this one.

Click here to read Part I & Part II.
Click here to read Part III
Click here for fic index.

"How many times do I have to tell you this? Jesus is not a zombie." Booth tossed a peanut into his mouth and waited for Brennan's sharp retort, but it never came. "Bones?" When she didn't respond, he swiveled to look at her.

She'd fallen asleep, head cradled in her folded arms. Always a surprise—his partner.

"Ok. No more Black and Coke for you," Booth whispered next to her ear, fighting the urge to smooth her hair off her forehead.

"Yes. I'll have one more," she replied, slowly lifting her head and sliding her arms off the scratched surface of the bar.

"I think it's time to get you home." He finished off his drink and felt it settle warmly in his stomach; he preferred his Johnnie neat. Seeing her reach for her glass, he shoved it away from her. "Nope, I'm cutting you off. 'Cause you, Dr. Brennan"—he leaned in so they were at eye-level—"are drunk."

"I am not inberiated." Her eyebrows came together in a frown. "Inrebiated." She blinked owlishly and shook her head, and Booth coughed to cover the laugh that bubbled up in his throat.

"Inebriated?" he added helpfully, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes, that," she replied, thumping her fist on the bar.

"Wait right here," he said, patting her shoulder.

"Don't order me around, Booth." She shrugged his hand away, scowling, and he waited a moment just to make sure she didn't slide off her barstool.

"Wouldn't dream of it, Bones," he said, tossing a grin over his shoulder as he stepped away to settle their tab.

He returned to find her trying to put on her coat—backwards. She bit her lip, deep in concentration, and Booth stood back, arms folded, and watched. It wasn't often that he had the chance to witness his partner demonstrating anything less than total competence. He had every intention of enjoying it while he could. "There's something wrong with these buttons, Booth," she finally muttered, looking up at him with confusion in her blue eyes.

Stifling a smirk at her predicament, he snagged the coat from her and helped her put it on the right way. After he'd made sure all the buttons were done up, he slipped on his own coat. Grasping Brennan's upper arm, he led her out into the cold January night in order to hail a cab. He wasn't drunk—just pleasantly buzzed—but there was no way he'd take that kind of chance.


After paying the driver, Booth slid out of the cab and came around the other side to help Brennan. They made their way up the sidewalk to her building without incident. When they stopped at the front door, she fumbled for the keys in her coat pocket and then promptly dropped them. "I have them, don't worry. I can find them." She bent to search the snow for the keys.

Given Brennan's current state, Booth had a feeling his balls would turn into ice cubes before she found her keys, so he leaned down to help.

Unfortunately, she chose that exact moment to straighten, smashing her head into his jaw and sending him sprawling in the snow at her feet. "Ow. Jesus, Bones. Be careful."

"I told you I had them." With a triumphant smile, she jangled the keys in front of him. When it finally seemed to penetrate her freakishly-large brain that he was on the ground, the smile faded. "I am extremely sorry, Booth," she said, enunciating very carefully. "I didn't intend to injure you." She rubbed her head.

"Don't worry about it." Slowly, he stood, brushing off his coat and feeling the wetness the snow had left behind on his pants. "I'll live." Since he couldn't decide if his jaw or his ass hurt worse, he settled for rubbing the latter. Then he sighed and wiggled his jaw to make sure everything was still intact.

"Yes, of that I'm certain. At most you have a contusion." She stretched her arm toward him, and her hand grazed his hip. "I could massage it for you," she said, her expression earnest.

"Whoa." He grabbed her hand before it could wander anywhere dangerous. "Hands to yourself, Bones."

"Ah, yes. I forgot—the line." She nodded sagely, eyes wide.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"The line that separates partnership from sexual intercourse, of course."

"Ok, let's get you inside." He'd temporarily forgotten there was something even more dangerous than her hands—her mouth.

"I suppose partners don't massage one another's buttocks."

Booth closed his eyes and tipped his head back, taking a deep breath of the wintry air. God definitely wasn't on his side tonight. That, or He was having a good laugh at Booth's expense. "No, that they don't." Unfortunately.

"Pity. I've been told by several people that I have good hands."

"Uh huh."

"Are you certain you wouldn't like a demonstration?" If he didn't know better, he'd say she sounded almost hopeful.

"Yeah. Thanks, but"—he sighed regretfully—"no thanks."


Once he helped her into her bedroom and out of her coat, she sat down on her bed and immediately started yanking at her clothes. A sweater flew at his head and he stepped back, covering his eyes. He wouldn't peek. That wouldn't be gentlemanly, and he prided himself on being a gentleman. Well, most of the time. "What are you doing?"

"Getting undressed. I'm hot."

Yes she was, he thought, picturing her flushed cheeks and bright eyes. "I'm uh, assuming you can manage that on your own, so I'm going to leave now." He turned away.

"But what if I need assistance?"

"Do you?" he asked, feeling a bead of sweat trickle down his neck.

"I think I do. I'm having difficulty with this button."

That which does not kill us makes us stronger, he reminded himself. "All right." He sighed and squared his shoulders, preparing to meet his fate.

Keeping his gaze glued to her face, he undid the button on her pants, careful to keep his hands away from everything else. Then he turned around again.

Fabric rustled as Brennan presumably pulled the pants down over her hips and... More rustling. "You can turn around now. I'm under the blanket."

When he turned around, he found her sitting up in her bed with the blanket pulled up over her shoulders.

"Did that make you uncomfortable?"

"No." He swallowed.

"Because you behaved as if you'd never seen a woman's body before."

"I've seen plenty of women, Bones. That's not the point—"

"Yes, I suppose you have," she said with a thoughtful nod. "Rebecca, Dr. Saroyan—"

"Ok. I'm going to leave now so you can go to sleep. Good night, Bones." Eager to escape, he didn't wait for an answer; he just turned and walked away.

But her voice stopped him in mid-step. "Angela says I have you wrapped around my toe."

Even though he should have been used to the whiplash changes in topic that often occurred during their conversations, this one threw him off. Just his luck that booze had removed the paper-thin filter she had between her brain and her mouth. He cleared his throat. "I think she probably meant finger, Bones," he said, turning and bracing his hand against the doorframe. "But please—do me a favor and don't listen to anything Angela says about you and me."

"So you're saying she's wrong?" He glanced up from studying the carpet to see something that looked suspiciously like disappointment cross her face; he'd always hated being the cause of that particular look.

"I'm saying"—he sighed and wiped his mouth—"that you're my partner and a good friend."

"Don't think I'm not aware that you didn't answer my question, Booth." Of course she'd noticed that. Even drunk, she saw things he'd rather she didn't.

"Bones, you're drunk, tired, and there's no point in having this conversation when you're not even going to remember it tomorrow." There. Maybe that would satisfy her.

"How do you know I won't remember it?"

"Well, I don't know for sure. But you did drink a lot. I'll tell you what"—he scratched the back of his neck and wondered if he'd live to regret what he was about to say—"if you wake up tomorrow and still have...questions, ask me then."

"Are you sure you mean that?" she asked, watching him with a frown.

With her looking at him like that, Booth knew he had no choice but to tell the truth. So he paused and repeated her question silently. When he was confident he knew the answer, he spoke. "Yeah, I'm sure."

The frown smoothed out, and Booth released the breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. "All right. Good night, Booth. You can go now."

Her dismissal pulled a smile from him. "Night, Bones."

"Wait. Booth?"

"Yeah?"

"I lied."

"About what?" he said, frowning.

"Kissing you, well, it wasn't like kissing Russ."

Funny how she almost always got the last word. "Oh."


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Lovely. A nice piece before going to sleep. I'd love to see drunk Brennan.

*waves* Thanks, Foxy. I bet Drunk!Brennan would be about as entertaining as High!Brennan. *g* Remember the epi in which she and Angela were accidentally exposed to meth?

Edited at 2008-01-21 08:26 pm (UTC)

(no subject) (Anonymous) Expand
You write a very believeable Drunk!Brennan. And Angela's right, she really does have Booth wrapped around her finger :)

Thanks, Elena. I'm glad this didn't feel OOC to you. :)

And Angela's right, she really does have Booth wrapped around her finger

Totally. *laughs*

Loved it! Lower her inhibitions and find out what she's really thinking. The offer of a massage was priceless. :)

Thank you! So glad you enjoyed this and didn't just find it OOC. Brennan's true feelings are never that far from the surface--even when she's sober. *g*

Yes! Please do continue. I'd love to see how you write the following day's conversation and all attendant awkwardness. Then again, I always enjoy your Bones fic regardless.
*"I am not inberiated...inrebiated."* This line was dead-on perfect, just so Brennan-- favoring the slightly needless large words, correcting herself when she can't get it quite right-- all just lovely.

Thanks for a great fic.

The inebriated bit struck me as very Brennan-like, so I'm glad you felt it worked. :)

I still feel like I want to continue this, so chances are good that I will. Oh, if only there wasn't so much I wanted to write! *g*

Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. I always appreciate that.

"Kissing you, well, it wasn't like kissing Russ."

I would hope not.

*g*


Loved this.

*g* I think that line was preposterous, not to mention just plain gross. Can you say denial?

Loved this.

Thanks. It always makes me happy when you say that. :)

"I suppose partners don't massage one another's buttocks."

xD So funny :P


Really, loved this one. I always wanted to see&read something about Booth or Brennan being drunk! I know Booth already has been in 3x02 but I want a scene like the one you wrote :P One of them helping the other xD


I always wanted to see it, too, so I wrote it. *g*

I'm glad this made you laugh, sweetie. Thank you.

Such a lovely present to warm me from the inside out on this cold day.

I'm glad this made your day a little toastier. I'm in MD, too, and it's COLD.

Thanks for reading and feeding!

love it! I love all your fics, but this one is my fav. ;) Brennan drunk... omg, perfect!

Aw, thanks, Sarah! I'm glad this one made you smile. Brennan is always such fun. *g*

I am drunk, well slightly merry, but Booth isn't here so I'm floundering. So unfair. You write them right.

Thanks, Sara. If I had Booth available. I'd loan him out to you for a bit. *g*

Oh drunk!Brennan. She is the greatest. This was fantastic. And Soul Meets Body is one of my favorite songs.

Drunk!Brennan is hysterical. :) Glad you enjoyed this particular version of her. Thank you.

I understand why Soul Meets Body is one of your faves; it's a breathtaking song.

Oh yeah, continue! Please? Again, you did an amazing job with these two characters! I really hope you decide to continue :)

Thank you, Nat. I most probably will continue this, but I have way too many WIP projects already. No matter; I'd rather have too many ideas than none. ;)

Drunk Brennan is awesome!
love this one!

Thanks, Kiska. She's a riot, isn't she? :D


I love drunk!Brennan. She is so honest.

"I suppose partners don't massage one another's buttocks."
Booth closed his eyes and tipped his head back, taking a deep breath of the wintry air. God definitely wasn't on his side tonight. That, or He was having a good laugh at Booth's expense.
"No, that they don't." Unfortunately.
"Pity. I've been told by several people that I have good hands."

Mwhahahahahahahaha. Poor Booth. It’s too much information.

And when she says "Kissing you, well, it wasn't like kissing Russ.", he should come back to her bedroom and… You know ;)

Awesome fic. Very funny.

Besos

And when she says "Kissing you, well, it wasn't like kissing Russ.", he should come back to her bedroom and… You know ;)

Hahahaha I'd love that, but that wouldn't be very gentlemanly of Booth, would it now? ;)

And yes, Drunk!Brennan is very honest, much to Booth's chagrin. *g*

I'm glad you enjoyed this, Isabel! Thanks. :)

I needed this. Thank you! I've been sick the past couple days and needed a good laugh.

You really should keep going on this. :)

Hope you're feeling better now, Emily. And thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed this. I am very tempted to continue this. *g*

nice...I can't wait for the last part :)

Haha, that's so me drunk. Which doesn't happen too often, either, so you can assume the results.

I really wish you'd continue this one in its own story. So fun and there's so much you could do with it! I want to see the hangover and hear his answers to the questions you know she's gonna remember to ask. ;)

Bones and her mouth, ;). Haaa! She cracks me up. You captured their voices so well. And the last part about the kiss...sigh. I am so looking forward to the episode where that comes up again and she's proven a liar. ;)

I'm glad you could identify with this. *g*

I am very, very tempted to continue this. We'll see.

Thanks for reading and feeding; really glad you liked this and could hear Booth and Brennan in it. :)

I love drunk!Brennan. :D

Drunk!Brennan = love.

Glad you enjoyed this. Thanks for feeding!

I am smiling now - so much it hurts! This is absolutely delightful. I can see them, Lerdo; I can see them saying/doing what you've written.

There's so much of the good here:

Unfortunately, she chose that exact moment to straighten, smashing her head into his jaw and sending him sprawling in the snow at her feet. I laughed out loud here, because your writing is such that I could visualize them.

He'd temporarily forgotten there was something even more dangerous than her hands—her mouth. Oh, Booth, that's so. very. true.

God definitely wasn't on his side tonight. That, or He was having a good laugh at Booth's expense. As are we all....:-)

I'm hot." ....Yes she was, he thought And don't we know it. If Brennan ever finds out he thinks that way, he is dead. (hopes she finds out.)

That which does not kill us makes us stronger, he reminded himself. and he would, I can read his mind thinking this.

Just his luck that booze had removed the paper-thin filter she had between her brain and her mouth. Again: so. very. true.

Kissing you, well, it wasn't like kissing Russ." ... Funny how she almost always got the last word. "Oh."

Oh, my dear, you have their relationship so DOWN. [is awed.]

I'm going to re-read this - again and again. Wonderful stuff. (Oh, how I wish you were writing their scenes for the series.)


Your comments, as always, are loved and cherished and squeed over by me. Thank you. :)

This was amazing, and the last line just blew my mind. What a perfect place to put it!

I love drunk Brennan here who's both a little too forward and a little too honest for Booth to deal with.

Yep, Booth's clearly got his hands full. Not that he minds so much. *g*

Thanks!

Okay, I keep meaning to stop meaning to be one of those horrible lurkers who loves your fanfic to death but never tells you, so here we go.

I freaking love your stuff. I was reading this over on ff.net and your author comment said that you were disheartened by nobody reviewing, so there you go. You're one of my favourite authors for Bones, and your characterisation is consistently dead on. I always get happy when I see something new from you, and this one was particularly awesome. I'd love to see it grow into a longer story! Thanks, and keep it up :D

Thanks, Dayna. I'm happy you enjoyed this; it was fun to write. *g* You know, it's not so much that no one reviews. Rather it's that more people read and don't comment--by a lot. And I understand that commenting takes time, so I don't ever expect that most people will comment after they read. Frankly, I don't think I'm entitled to anything. That doesn't keep me from hoping that people will comment, though. I know how much that means to most writers. So it's all good, but sometimes it feels a little discouraging--especially when the number of hits to comments is SO disproportionate.

Anyway, it does my heart good to know that you read and enjoy my stories. The hiatus is driving me batty; I know there must be other people who feel the same way.

As for continuing this, I'm leaning that way. :)

Thanks for commenting; I really do appreciate it.

As usual, you successfully rendered me speechless. Believe me, that is a feat not often accomplished by many.

...

You write such believable characterizations that I can hear these scenes play out.

You have such an amazing talent; thank you so very much for sharing.


You're too kind; thank you. :)

Oh, glee!

I was rewarding myself with reading a single fic before crashing for the day, and this was a wonderful, wonderful choice. I loved reading drunk!Brennan so very much. And I can't to hear of a morning-after conversation.

Thanks for writing it!

Thanks, M. :) I'm tickled that this was your "reward." I am sorely tempted to do a follow-up to this. *g* Drunk!Brennan is pretty entertaining. :)

"Oh."

:D


Too tired for real comment. You made me smile, though.

That IS a real comment. :) Thanks, love.

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