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Bones Ficlet: Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda
Sad!Booth - lerdo
only_more_love

Title: Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda
Series: Snowflakes
Character:  Seeley Booth
Rating:
K+ or PG
Spoilers:
Through 5x7: The Dwarf in the Dirt
Timeline:  Set in Season 5.
Word Count: 300
Prompt: Remember
Disclaimer:
  Bones and its characters belong to FOX, not me. This story is purely meant to entertain. No copyright infringement is intended.
Summary:  Sometimes Booth finds it hard to pretend.
A/N: Snowflakes is a series of Bones oneshots. I have a 50scenes  prompt table I claimed a gazillion years ago. Writing time is always at a premium these days, and on the random occasions when I have it (read: when my daughter naps), I'm finding it hard to find or create much inspiration. Too much pressure, maybe. Regardless, perhaps these will help.

If you read this, thank you. If you comment, thank you. Sometimes it's good to know I'm not shouting into the abyss. :)


Click here for fic index.

***

 

Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda

Startled awake by another dream of a life he's never lived, Booth sighs and rolls onto his back, hands folding tightly under his head. He shivers, hard, beneath the heavy down comforter draped over his body. The heat's on and Brennan always complains that his place is a touch too warm; right now Booth just feels cold.

On the outside and on the inside, ice.

Pretending with her is harder since the operation: Smile here; wink there; crack joke now. But he's watching himself do it, and it's all faking it till you make it. (He never makes it.) "We don't have time for this," he wants to say whenever she turns those blue-green eyes on him, "don't you get it? I could die. You could die. We're all going to die eventually..." Then what would his life be but a series of shoulda, coulda, woulda?

Waiting used to seem like the right thing to do. Patience and hope, he tries to remind himself, are what they need. Except that he remembers the weight of her on his lap, her arms around his neck, the curve of her smile against his mouth, sweeter and richer than his favorite apple pie. She smiles at him like that sometimes when they're sitting across from each other at the diner, and he has to shake his head to clear the sudden double-vision.

He's tired of mourning a life that was never his. He's tired of being alone. He's just so damn tired of wanting and wanting and never quite having.

In a few hours he'll get up and be the good friend and partner he's supposed to be. For a few bittersweet minutes, he wants to remember how much more he could be.

Shutting his eyes, Booth tries to fall back asleep.


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lovely and oh so true. it's gotta be torture to have had her and then have had her taken away.

he remembers the weight of her on his lap, her arms around his neck, the curve of her smile against his mouth, sweeter and richer than his favorite apple pie.

this i love. hell, makes me wanna kiss her.

nice work!

Thanks a lot! Yes, Booth's in a tough spot, emotionally, this season. It's hard to have something and then lose it -- or even to think you had something, only to have it snatched away. Cruel fate...

Can't blame you for wanting to kiss Brennan; she's a smart & beautiful woman. :)

Gah, this is soo... wow... you just know it's thoughts like this that are keeping him up at night, wondering when he can finally risk it...

Except that he remembers the weight of her on his lap, her arms around his neck, the curve of her smile against his mouth, sweeter and richer than his favorite apple pie.
I can't explain how much I love that comparison. It could seem trite (comparing women to food), but it carries so much weight coming from him. Just yummy and perfect and... yeah, very him.

Wonderful job! ♥

Really glad this makes sense to you and fits in with where Booth is this season, at least so far.

Thanks so much for pointing out the bit about the apple pie. I totally agree that it could seem trite; I hoped, instead, that it would seem right, considering it was coming from Booth. Glad it worked for you.

*smooch* Thank you for commenting!

I always love to see a new piece by you, even if it just a little ficlet knocked out while the little one naps. Everything you do is great, and this is no exception.

"We don't have time for this," he wants to say whenever she turns those blue-green eyes on him, "don't you get it? I could die. You could die. We're all going to die eventually..."

This? Is what I'm waiting for every episode.

Every. Episode.

I'm so glad you enjoyed this. ♥ Thank you for letting me know that.

This? Is what I'm waiting for every episode.

*sigh* You and me both. :/

Coma dreams can be more "real" than reality. It must half kill Booth to have such clear memories of something that never happened.

Oh, I agree. There must be some degree of disorientation, and I think, in this case, sadness, too. Poor Booth. :(

Y'know I find the whole B/B AU dream thing annoying on screen and yet I rather love it when you write it! *L*

Especially this "We don't have time for this," he wants to say whenever she turns those blue-green eyes on him, "don't you get it? I could die. You could die. We're all going to die eventually..." Then what would his life be but a series of shoulda, coulda, woulda?

Ha. Just so you know, I'm not crazy about the dream thing, either. *g* But you work with what you've got. I'm doubly glad this read OK to you. :) Thanks for taking the time to read and comment; I appreciate it.

This is a perfect look at where Booth is at right now - the dream world so real he can taste it, and yet he continually has to deny himself what he wants.

He's tired of mourning a life that was never his. He's tired of being alone. He's just so damn tired of wanting and wanting and never quite having.



So few words, yet the perfect summation.

He is in a very tough spot, and like always, he's trying to do the right. ♥

Thanks so much for letting me know this hit the right spot for you.

Powerful words. I can just visualize all of this in my head. And I love this part:

Except that he remembers the weight of her on his lap, her arms around his neck, the curve of her smile against his mouth, sweeter and richer than his favorite apple pie. She smiles at him like that sometimes when they're sitting across from each other at the diner, and he has to shake his head to clear the sudden double-vision.

Beautifully done. I actually wrote something similar to this back right before exams and totally forgot about it until you posted this. Not surprisingly, though, it pales in comparison. Lol.

Oh, thank you, honey, for letting me know which bits really worked for you. ♥

Not surprisingly, though, it pales in comparison.

Don't say that. Your writing has your unique touch; I'd love to read whatever you've got.

Anytime ;)

Well, if you still want to read it. It's here.

Very poignant. I love this: He's just so damn tired of wanting and wanting and never quite having.

I feel like this is this season's unique theme for Booth; living such a vivid dream and then having to face the reality of its falsehood every day. As much as I grumbled about the whole nightclub thing, I appreciate the new facets it's given Booth's character. He tries so hard to do the right thing, even if it means denying himself. He feels he needs to bear so much, without relief or reward. There's a difficult and fine line between leading a life in the moment without regrets and leading a life with long-range goals and relationships. I've been writing my first real Bones fic since November and it's something I've been giving some thought to. Maybe one day life will let me finish mine as maybe life will let you finish yours. :)

Thanks for sharing, as always.

Really good insight in Booth character here. That fits perfectly with shows canon.

Thank you so much for the lovely comment.

Your sweet daughter is worth every minute she gets, but... oh
I love it when "Lerdo" pops up with a sweet sweet fan fic.

Like this one.

Heart...crushing.

This is lovely and rings very true for the character. You have a great way of choosing every word so that it has a purpose for being there, so your drabbles pack a lot of punch in a small space.

Again, lovely.

Wow. So Post-Coma!Booth, it's chillingly real....

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