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The Vampire Diaries Fic: The Weight of Us
Damon/Elena Rt Behind You
only_more_love

Title: The Weight of Us (1/1)
Fandom:
The Vampire Diaries (tv show, not book)
Characters:
Elena Gilbert, Damon Salvatore, & hints of Elena/Stefan
Rating:
T
Words:
826
Spoilers:
Through 2x10: The Sacrifice
Disclaimer:
The Vampire Diaries and its characters belong to the CW, not me. This story is purely meant to entertain. No copyright infringement is intended.
Summary:
Lying - to herself and to her family and friends - is an art. Takes place post-2x10: The Sacrifice - later that night.
A/N:
I'm sick and running on little sleep. Hopefully that doesn't come through here. :) I wrote this as part of a resolution to fit a little writing into every single day, even if it's only for 15 minutes.

This is a bit confused and angsty. If you're looking for happy and shiny, you won't find it here.

Con crit is always welcome. To lurkers and commenters alike, thank you. Feel free to friend for updates. If you'd like me to add you back, please say something; I don't bite. :)  Plus I have very few TVD-watching friends here, so I would love to have more.

***

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There's a cold heart, buried beneath,
and warm blood, running deep.
Secrets - are mine to keep
protected by silent sleep...

I'm not ready, I'm not ready
for the weight of us, for the weight of us
for the weight of us, for the weight of all of us

~ Sanders Bohlke - The Weight of Us

The Weight of Us

The scalding water drums a steady beat against her body. Elena lets her head drop forward, chin to chest, mouth open in a silent scream; a lonely marionette with no one to pull its strings. In here, she can pretend the streams branching from her eyes and rolling over her cheeks to drip down down down, originate from the shower head.

She knows otherwise, of course. But then, she's gotten so much better at hiding inconvenient truths from even herself. (Lying - to herself and to her family and friends - is an art. When the time comes, maybe she'll list it as a special skill on her college applications. Surely the admissions committee would appreciate that.)

"No, Damon. I care about you. I do, but I love Stefan. It's always going to be Stefan-"

Liar liar, the world is on fire...

-and you.

Damon, with eyes like winter's first frost.

Once upon a time her journal was the place where she let her secret truths breathe in the cleansing light of day.

Elena doesn't write in her journal anymore.


Sometimes she misses her parents, the people who raised her, not the sad, twisted man and woman who gave her their genes, so much she wants to burn every last picture of them. But that won't make her forget them, or turn her back into the normal teenage girl she was before she had to learn about blood, death, and all the things that go bump in the night.


Elena's hands don't shake as she stands in front of her bedroom mirror and combs her wet hair straight back, leaving the bones of her face in jagged relief.

"You and Katherine have a lot more in common than just your looks."

Maybe he'd been right.

She stares at her reflection until she no longer recognizes herself, her vision gone soft and Vaseline-blurry.

Who is this stranger wearing her skin?

When a dark shadow takes shape behind her, she doesn't even blink.

"Elena." He says it without an upward lilt at the end; it's a question all the same.

She ignores it, quietly setting down her brush before turning to face him.

"Do you not understand the concept of privacy?"

One black eyebrow wings upward, mirroring the lascivious curl of his lips. "Why, am I interrupting something private?"

Something about the way he says the last word brings blood rushing hot and insistent to the surface of her skin; conjures images of them earlier that day, when he'd burst in and ruined her plan to surrender herself to Klaus. He'd caught her punch like it was a lazy butterfly in his peripheral vision; all she'd been able to think about was his mouth.

She hates that she still reacts to him this way: after Caroline, and Bonnie, and Vicki, and Jeremy, and... It's just wrong. What kind of person is she if she can forgive him, want him, after all the monstrous things he's done? What kind of person is she if she wants them both? What if she can't choose?

Her skin feels tight and ill-fitting, itching just beneath the surface, where she can't reach. She wants to scream, she wants to fight.

"You know," she says, crossing her arms over her chest, "Stefan being in that tomb with Katherine doesn't change anything between us. You still don't have a chance with me." The words spill out, clumsy and inelegant, slicing through the air between them and coming to rest in an ugly heap at their feet.

Elena's eyes widen; Damon's shutter, and he flinches, the movement so small she wouldn't have noticed it if she didn't know him so well. She's hurt him, she realizes with a mix of wonder and remorse. Sometimes she forgets she has the power to do that. Maybe this is what it's like to be Katherine, to turn people into playthings to be manipulated by one's momentary whims.

A muscle in Damon's jaw contracts. Elena waits for the explosion. "I know," he finally replies, defying her expectations, his voice so quiet she has to strain to hear the words.

She wants to take it back. This isn't who she is- "Damon..." she pleads. Or at least it's not who she wants to be.

"I'm a big boy, Elena. I can handle the truth." (She's starting to think she can't.) The brittle smile on his lips doesn't reach the tundra in his eyes.

"Wait-"

"I just wanted to make sure you were OK tonight. That's all." Then he raises both hands, palms out in a gesture of surrender, before he turns and vanishes, leaving her feeling cold - and even emptier than she'd been before he'd arrived.

Now who was the monster?

Tags: ,

I'm back to wondering the same thing, over and over again. In how many ways can you cut someone up until they stop trying ever again?
This hurts!

:( In how many ways can you cut someone up until they stop trying ever again?

I don't know the answer to your question, but I think that Damon's such a fool for love that he'll persevere for quite a while with Elena. That's my best guess (hope), anyway.

Once again, a wonderful story. I feel like punching Stefan, like, pounding him into the ground, the ungrateful ass. Damon deserves some kind of happiness after everything.

I'm would like to ask if you ever do anything rated M for TVD fics? Sheer curiousity.

Thanks very much. :) Here's hoping they're all able to find some happiness!

I have been watching TVD and writing fic for it for less than a month; TVD's a pretty new obsession for me. *g* So to this point, I haven't written any M-rated fics for it, but not because I'm opposed to the idea.

If I could write that well while being sick and sleep deprived, I'd die a happy girl. Beautifully done, and I particularly love this line:

Her skin feels tight and ill-fitting, itching just beneath the surface, where she can't reach. She wants to scream, she wants to fight.

We've all been there, haven't we? That overwhelming weight and anxiety that just makes you want to crawl out of your skin? Nina did an excellent job portraying that exact feeling last episode, because God knows if anyone's feeling that, it's Elena, and I think you do a wonderful job describing it here.

You're sweet. :)

Thanks! Poor Elena; her life is a bit out-of-control at the moment. :( It's understandable that she's anxious. If I were in her shoes I'd probably already be insane. *g*

Wow. This was amazing!!!

She doesn't write in her journal anymore.

So sad :( The inability to face her truths being that bad....

She's hurt him, she realizes witha mix of wonder and remores.Sometimes she forgets she has the power to do that.

GAH.

*applause*

Thanks very much! Glad you enjoyed this. :)

Damon puts up such a good front that people sometimes forget that he definitely has his soft spots.

Thank you again for stopping by to read and comment on this; I appreciate it.

This was just beautiful, and so sad. Love this line in particular: The words spill out, clumsy and inelegant, slicing through the air between them and coming to rest in an ugly heap at their feet.

A little bit of protesting too much, Elena? I love that she still doesn't quite grasp the power she has to wound Damon. He projects such invincibility it's easier for her not to see it, I think. Really well done!

Thank you! ♥ Glad you liked that line.

He projects such invincibility it's easier for her not to see it, I think.

EXACTLY. :)

The best thing about falling headfirst for a new fandom and 'ship is when it happens like this, and it kind of takes you over. In a good way, of course. I LOVE seeing all this new writing from you, and even more because it's a pairing I can really get behind.

S. So lovely! That Elena has this kind of power over Damon, the power to make him flinch when it seems so uncharacteristic -- that's what gets to me so much, that she is so wholly under his skin. (Or as the song says, in his veins.)

I'll say it again: you write him so well. I can see IS saying those lines, moving through these scenes. Beautifully done, as per usual.

*snorgles you* Um, yeah, you could definitely say that this show (and 'ship) have taken me over. *g* It feels good, though. I'm having fun. When it stops being fun, I'll back off.

Yes, she is definitely in his veins. And that song is so perfect for them, isn't it? *sighs*

Thanks, honey. How are your bunnies doing? ;)

LOVED THIS. perfect amount of angst to make your heart clench

I'm thrilled this worked for you; thank you for letting me know that.

perfect amount of angst to make your heart clench

Yay! :)

(Deleted comment)
No need to apologize for the length of your comment; it truly made my day. ♥ Thank you for taking the time to point out so many of the images and sections that you liked in this fic. I sincerely appreciate your doing that; I know that takes extra time. :)

I think Elena can be ruthless when she needs to be, like when she got the Petrova lineage book from Damon. Not as ruthless as Katherine, though, of course! But here, I think I saw her as just feeling sad, angry, and a little out-of-control -- with Damon there as a convenient target. She's generally a kind person, but she's human -- not perfect. Not making excuses for her behavior, but she has gone through a hell of a lot; without much time or space to decompress and make sense of it all. Anyway, just my thoughts.

how have I not read any of your other fics yet?

*g* I haven't been into TVD for very long. I'm glad you read this story, and I'm so happy you enjoyed it. Thanks for leaving me such lovely and detailed feedback.

this has eaten my heart, in the best possible way.

I will take that as a compliment. ♥ So thank you!

*lip quivering* complete and utter heart fail!

♥ Good. ;) Thank you for reading!

this was just *wow* I can actually see all of this playing out on screen, I can actually imagine Elena feeling something so similar to what she feels here it's insane!! There were so many beautiful and poetic lines I can quote the whole thing lol, but I particularly loved:

"She's hurt him, she realizes with a mix of wonder and remorse. Sometimes she forgets she has the power to do that. Maybe this is what it's like to be Katherine, to turn people into playthings to be manipulated by one's momentary whims." <-- the fact that Elena so obviously has this power over him (despite his denial) makes Damon such a tragic figure and my twisted heart loves it lol

Great stuff, and I hope you and your daughter are feeling better!! :)

Really happy you can "see" this happening. :)

Damon's a fool for love. He was with Katherine; he is with Elena. It's tragic and beautiful. *sighs* ♥

Thanks for reading and feeding -- and for thinking of me and my little girl. We're both still sick, but slowly getting better. Things could definitely be worse!

I dont have the ability to form very useful comments right now. This piece broke my heart - in a good way. I love the angst so much and you did it all so perfectly! <3

Please dont ever stop writing them! I love your fics :)

This piece broke my heart - in a good way.

Happy to hear that. :)

Please dont ever stop writing them! I love your fics :)

Awww... Thank you for reading them! ♥

Wow! That was beautiful L. I can picture something like that happening. You captured both characters perfectly. I also liked the parallels you drew between Katherine and Elena and the way they both treated him. It really tugged at my heart strings and I loved it. How could he ever be second in anyone's heart? I will never understand it. I love Stefan, but I'd take Damon any day. He is just so complex and dark and yummy.

OK I am staring to go on too much about Damon. Your fic was awesome! I can't get enough of your Delena fic!

Hugs♥

Edited at 2010-12-09 11:43 pm (UTC)

*mwah* Thanks for the kind words, sweetie. I really appreciate them. ♥

Damon has NOT been lucky in love. As much as I like Stefan, if Elena can only be with one of them, I hope it's Damon she ultimately chooses. Poor guy could use being someone's first choice for once. Katherine did a real number on him. He's done terrible things, and yet...

Anyway, thanks again!

GAH, raw and excellent, i loved the image at the beginning about the marionette.