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Bones Fic: Before We Come Undone (1/1)
B/B Partners Gray Distance
only_more_love

Title: Before We Come Undone (1/1)
Characters:
Seeley Booth, Temperance Brennan
Rating:
PG-13 or T for language
Spoilers:
Through 6x09.
Summary
: Witnessing the evolution of Temperance Brennan is what he's doing. A tag for 6x09.
Disclaimer:
Bones and its characters belong to FOX, not me. This story is purely meant to entertain. No copyright infringement is intended.
A/N:
This is a bit raw; make of it what you will.

To lurkers and commenters alike, thank you.

Feel free to friend for updates. If you'd like me to add you back, please say something; I don't bite. :) 

***

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Before We Come Undone

Old habits die hard, if they die at all. Booth follows Brennan to Woodland, on a night teeming with rain and oppressive shadows, because this is what partners do. It's in the goddamn code, written or not. Partners are all they'll ever be now; all she'll ever let them be.

He's learning to live with that: slowly and painfully. You don't spend every second of every minute of every hour of every day for years, feeling your heart beat for one crazy, beautiful, infuriating woman, and just turn it off. His heart, oh his traitorous heart, it still beats for her, and if he had a fucking on/off switch for it, he'd have used it already.

But if it still hurts (it does), it hurts a tiny bit less with each passing moment. One day, he hopes, it won't hurt at all anymore; just be a memory tucked inside a box filled with dusty reminders of an old life - a life that never existed anywhere but in his dreams. Not the life he's building with Hannah.

Hannah, who loves him. Hannah, who's let him in.

Oh, Bones, why couldn't you just let me in?


Booth hides, blending into the inky night, but he doesn't need to try so hard: she's so utterly absorbed in her own thoughts that she doesn't notice anything - including the car speeding toward her from around the corner.

He doesn't hesitate, his feet hammering the pavement as he races toward her; her life is still more than worth any risk to his own.


"I got the signal, Booth. I don't want to have any regrets," she says, her eyes and voice full of the conviction and hope and desperation he'd felt so many months ago.

His head is spinning so hard it's a struggle to keep the car moving straight. "You know, I'm with someone, Bones. And Hannah, she's not a consolation prize; I love her." But I loved you first. Sometimes I'm scared I'll love you last.

Next to him, she's sobbing. The sounds are ugly, harsh. He can't look at her.

"You know, the last thing I want to do is hurt you, but those are the facts." The irony is so sharp he's bleeding from it, razor-fine cuts all over his body. Bones, utterly rational Bones, is talking about signals, finally, finally speaking his language - while he deals in facts. This is everything he has ever wanted. Everything he can never have.

Because his timing; her timing; their timing is so colossally fucked-up. Star-crossed doesn't begin to cover it. His rage, he wants to turn his head up to the sky and howl it until his voice breaks. The way he's breaking inside, where he won't let her see it. The way she's breaking outside, giving him no choice but to see it - to see her, the way she never has allowed him to before. She's beautiful; darkness and light coming together in a blinding combination that steals his breath and leaves him shuddering.

"I understand. I missed my chance," she says. "My whole word turned upside down. I can adjust."

Witnessing the evolution of Temperance Brennan is what he's doing. He wants to be more than a witness; he wants to participate. Wants it so badly his hands grip the steering wheel like it's the only thing anchoring him, keeping him from yanking the car to the shoulder and pulling her into his arms. But his guy hugs were never really guy hugs (he thinks even she knows that), and he isn't free to give them to her anymore. His commitments tighten around him, suddenly suffocating instead of comforting.

"I did," he replies, and there's a spark of vindication inside him. The spark, though, flares and quickly dies out, leaving only cold ashes of regret.

"Yes, you did," she says, with a laugh he can't call anything but bitter.

This was never what he wanted. He knows what he wants, even as he knows how impossible it is for him to have it.


God, you captured it, every gut-wrenching, soul-crushing moment. So much love for this recap and some Boothy-insight. It wasn't spelled out for us, but it was still there. So damn good.

But I loved you first. Sometimes I'm scared I'll love you last.
Perfection. &hearts

*mwah* Thank you, honey. ♥

But I loved you first. Sometimes I'm scared I'll love you last.

So perfectly heart-crushing.

Amazing insight into Booth. This is everything DB's performance was telling us, and then some.

Thank you so much. I'm so pleased you liked this. DB and ED were both so wonderful in this episode. ♥ Very painful ep...

oh,jeez.

Now, I'll have to watch the episode. [flails].

I'm like damned!Booth. Just when I think I'm free of the addiction of Bones, I'm dragged back in.

[sigh.]

You realize of course, it's because your fic is so exquisite, I must now see if the TV-writer lived up to YOUR writing level.

::hugs::

Sweetheart? Watch this one. PLEEEEZ. watch it. You NEED to. Trust me, OK? Watch. xxoo

You write exactly what I want to read after episodes like that, which may not be good since after episodes like that I roll around on my sofa moaning about how I want to kill myself, lol. I still have a rehab fic I started writing at the end of last season on my computer, now this?

This is heart-breakingly wonderful, though. It fills all the empty spaces from that scene. (I can't stop thinking about why they had it in the car.) Colossally fucked-up is quite apt. As previous commentors, you really got me with "Sometimes I'm scared I'll love you last." I'll be counting on him loving her last from here on out, but I just don't know how these two are going to make it to each other without some serious wounds (because they obviously don't have enough individually).

Another rambly comment. You know I just love your writing. :)

Your comment wasn't rambly; it was just perfect. It made my week. ♥ *hugs* Thank you for that.

I'll be counting on him loving her last from here on out, but I just don't know how these two are going to make it to each other without some serious wounds (because they obviously don't have enough individually).

I'm with you there!

Oh fuck me twice do you rock... I didnt even SEE this... iam_space totes brought this to my attention and I LOVE one shots when well written and this? Is stellar. GORGEOUS.

His heart, oh his traitorous heart, it still beats for her, and if he had a fucking on/off switch for it, he'd have used it already.

oh babe. thsi line... it is perfection and sums up Booth now, s6 Booth, any season Booth really, just with all the agony now...

a life that never existed anywhere but in his dreams

This. Oh, Booth.... just THIS line here.... and then He knows what he wants, even as he knows how impossible it is for him to have it.

Oh hell. Painfully achingly beautiful, real and HONEST.

Thank you for writing this, for writing it in a way that show his pain alongside hers... she got the words... his face was words enough for me... but this? It was like you were writing from his head. So thank you.

I got the ep, I am Team!Bones and I love this Show and this bumpy journey that is beautiful and painful... but thank you for shining a spotlight on Booth here, he always avoids them and his biggest fans arent seeing that this convo killed him even more...

I wait with baited breath for January and the repercussions. You write wonderfully.





Edited at 2010-12-13 05:42 am (UTC)

Mel, thank you for such a long and lovely comment. Things have been tough lately, and it made me smile. ♥

That you think this was like I was writing from Booth's head is such a wonderful compliment. DB AND ED were both fantastic in this ep. All you had to do was look at Booth's face to know how painful it was for him to hear what Brennan had to say. He couldn't come out and SAY that, of course, but DB played it beautifully and subtly.

I don't quite "get" the Team!Booth or Team!Brennan stuff. I sympathize with them both. (Now, that doesn't mean I think everything on the show is gospel, though.) They are both just trying to do the best they can, and they're fumbling and stumbling along the way -- like real people do.

Anyway, I'm rambling. I just want you to know that I really appreciate your taking the time to let me know exactly what you thought of this. You didn't have to, but you did it anyway.

Yes!!! This was fantastic this line: She's beautiful; darkness and light coming together in a blinding combination that steals his breath and leaves him shuddering. made my breath catch and the line about Booth's vindication turning to cold ashes and ohhhh it's a glorious little moody piece! Very fitting for the episode :)

:) I'm glad you liked that line! Thanks a lot.

Very fitting for the episode :)

That's high praise. Thank you. ♥

Absolutely, gut-wrenchingly beautiful.

Just when you think Show has lost its edge with no chance of redemption, along comes this episode - so well-written, and ED and DB so stellar together in their tortured attempts to accept, that Show nearly made me cry (for the first time in a LONG time). And your story breaks my heart for them all over again (in the best possible way, oc).

Too many gorgeous lines to point any of them out as favorites, but let me just mention that I loved your highlighting that this season, Booth=Brennan and Brennan=Booth. It's becoming more poignant with each episode, and I'm curious how that will unfold.

*brb sobbing for bobo*



Yes, Booth and Brennan are experiencing a bit of a role reversal, and I'll join you in being curious how that will continue to play out. This episode took my breath away. ♥ The writing was excellent, and ED & DB both did such an exceptional job. It used to be that every single episode of this show grabbed me; while that isn't the case anymore, this particular ep had me by the throat.

I'm very happy you enjoyed this one-shot. Thank you so much for taking the time to let me know what you thought. It means a lot to me.

This shines and sparkles my friend.

Bones, is talking about signals, finally, finally speaking his language - while he deals in facts And captures the irony so exquisitely. And the pain.

Oh, thank you so much! ♥ What a lovely comment.

My goodness, that was a painful episode, wasn't it? I sincerely hope they're able to get on the same page, at the same time, sometime soon. We'll just have to wait and see...

I'm scared I'll love you last - best line ever.

I loved the Booth insight in this - I have been liking him less and less these last few eps and this really helps change my perspective. Fantastic job!

I'm scared I'll love you last - best line ever.

♥ *hugs* Thank you, Doc.

This season is really putting B/B & their fans through the wringer, isn't it?

I'm so happy this worked for you. Thanks for letting me know that.

This is raw and painful and beautiful. I think you have completely caught Booth.

But I loved you first. Sometimes I'm scared I'll love you last.



What a perfect summation.

Thanks a lot. I'm happy you thought I captured Booth in this. ♥

I KNOW I read and adored this when you originally posted it but apparently didn't review. I think maybe I read it on my phone.

This is just so heartbreakingly him in this moment. LOVE.

Your icon is making me sniffly. :(

It is so sweet of you to fret about not having reviewed this, but I am certain you nonetheless review a greater proportion of the stories you read than many folk. :) And you don't have to review anything I write that you read. ♥ But it is lovely that you did. And do. *hugs*

Thank you!

I'm so glad that you posted this on the GA because this was one not to miss. Beautifully done.
The irony is so sharp he's bleeding from it, razor-fine cuts all over his body. Bones, utterly rational Bones, is talking about signals, finally, finally speaking his language - while he deals in facts. This, to me is the heart of early Season 6. This episode brought it to a head and your piece recaptured it perfectly.

I'm so glad you enjoyed it. That means a lot. ♥

Every single word of this story was beautiful, and you really got into Booth's head here.
'The irony is so sharp he's bleeding from it...' that phrase alone sums up the tragedy in their situation so perfectly.
I thought the acting in this episode was first-rate but a lot of people seem to be unwilling or unable to see DB's subtle and heart-breaking performance during Brennan's confession.
The other irony here is that Brennan is the one dealing with emotions while Booth is obliged to point out the facts - something that would have been amusing under different circumstances!
This is a wonderful piece of writing. Thank you for sharing it with us.




Thank you very much! I'm happy you enjoyed it. ♥

When I watch that scene, it seems obvious to me that BOTH Brennan and both are in pain. He can't reach out to her in the way he would have in the past because it's not appropriate -- if he intends to remain faithful to Hannah. He's committed himself to her, and he's a man who takes his commitments very seriously. Stellar episode, in my very humble opinion.

That was a.ma.zing! Absolutely loved this story, in its heartcrushing eloquence. Fantastic Booth POV. Sigh.

I'm thrilled you thought I was able to get into Booth's head in this fic. Thank you for taking the time to let me know that. :)

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