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Heads up on friending/defriending

I've never really had a policy on friending and defriending; it didn't seem necessary because the majority of my posts were fannish in nature.  If people friended me, I automatically friended them back, and if they defriended me, hey, that was ok too.  I never took those things personally, and I still don't.  Truthfully I was never really active on LJ until 2007, though I've had an account since 2003. 

Now I post almost every day, and an increasing number of my posts have personal content.  Writing helps me process my life, and I'm finding it keeps me healthy.  For me it's too much of a headache to have one journal for fic, a separate one for personal ramblings, and one for music posts, etc. etc.  Those things are all a part of who I am, and it's easier for me to just have them in one place rather than make some kind of artificial distinction. 

All of which leads to this:  there are a couple people I friended after they friended me, but we've had literally zero interaction.  I don't keep track of how many comments a given person has left me.  Life is short and busy, and I know there are many other things that rank higher in priority than commenting in peoples' LJs.  That said, I do have a general sense of the people I interact with here.  If we've never interacted and I'm aware of that, I'm going to defriend you.  Maybe you're just here for fic, which is fine.  I don't plan to lock my fic posts.  Some people like to read anonymously--for whatever reason--and that is ok.  You won't be missing much by not having access to my f-locked personal posts.  You're probably not even interested in them.  :)  If I defriend you, and you'd like me to add you back for some reason, comment here, email me, or message me. 

Also, going forward, if you friend me and then never comment or say hello, I most probably won't friend you back.  This is not supposed to be some big, dramatic thing.  I'm simply no longer comfortable having certain posts viewable by people who are essentially invisible to me.   And yes, I know that privacy is an illusion when it comes to the 'net.

One last thing and then I'm done.  I promise.  *g*  You don't need to ask my permission to friend me.  However,  I don't always notice when someone's added me, so if you want me to add you back, please comment or message me in some fashion.  I promise you I'm generally easygoing and approachable.  I enjoy the interactivity of LiveJournal; that's why I'm here. 

ETA:  I swear I'm not a drama queen.  Actually, I generally hate being the center of attention and much prefer to observe. :)

I definitely agree. Sadly, I've actually had people on LJ that pitched a fit because I was too busy in my own RL to comment on anyone including their LJ lol. They literally pitched a huge fit and made it too dramatic. I hate drama and that was something that bothered me.

That's the point of LJ having fun. :)

Wow, this is a plague. You are fourth of my f-list with the same entry this week.
And I say you the same that them… It’s ok, It’s your LJ and you decide who read to you and if you want to read them.

I understand that you can’t read my LJ but I hope that you won’t defriending because my English teacher is happy… I had never read and written so much in English ;D


*frowns at you* Why on earth would you think I'd defriend you? I can't read your posts because I've yet to learn Spanish, but we interact ALL THE TIME. I swear this post is not about making people comment more often. If that was the case, I would simply f-lock ALL my posts. I meant exactly what I said--I'm starting to post some pretty honest, personal, and NOT fictional entries, and I'm just not comfortable having people I've had zero interaction with reading those posts simply because they ended up on my friend list at some point when I only posted about fannish things. I meant what I said, and I said what I meant. This is not some mass defriending happening now.

This is the beauty of LJ; I would never have "met" you otherwise. And I'm truly grateful that I did. Though I've never physically met anyone I've chatted with here on LJ, they are no less real to me than anyone I've actually sat down with. *hugs you*

i agree with everyone who says do what you gotta do, but i think you're tres fabulous, just so you know. If you defriend me I won't be like "oh that dirty bitch." ;) but i do love having a friend somewhere near my own age on a community such as this! :)

You're an idiot, you know that? I say this with complete affection. *g* I have no intention of defriending you; I know who you are. :) This post was really only aimed at those folks who are complete strangers to me. You don't qualify, so you're stuck. *hugs you*

*pouts* I've been defriended. -lol-

I've been meaning to leave a post, but I never got around to it until today. >__<; To be honest, I don't remember how we originally friended each other. 0_o I think it was during my fanart days (which feels like ages ago). I've only recently started reading LJ again, and I really took a likely to you weekly Wednesday posts. :) Oh, which reminds me, I should add mine..*scuttles over to reply* I also enjoy your honest postings about your family. I guess I'm a nosey-busy-body, but I always appreciate it when my LJ friends start posting things about their family and their life. Makes you feel more connected. Reminds you that there's an actual person with problems and life issues behind the username. So, yea, I hope, if you don't mind, that you'll keep me friended. At least for the Wednesday smiles. :)

Yennie! I defriended you because I didn't think you were around anymore. :) I was just cleaning house, but since you're here, I'll add you again. Yes, we met through our fanart. Remember Touchstone, and Thia, and...? My god, that seems like a long time ago.

I don't think you're a busybody if you enjoy reading my personal posts; I love reading others' personal entries too. Because I'm interested in people, not just fannish pursuits. It's always interesting to see what life throws at people and how they deal with those things. Reading those posts absolutely reminds us there's a real person with real feelings and issues behind the username.

Welcome back. I do so hope that you are happy and well. Please don't feel pressured to comment. I know life gets busy. :)

Hi. *waves* I've read all of the B/B fic you've written (except for Truth Serum, which I'm about to read now), & have enjoyed it all very much. I suppose I'd be considered an 'anonymous' reader, because, while I love to read fic, I can only think of so many ways to say I like someones work without sounding redundant. And, while I read my flist every day, I haven't been updating or commenting nearly as often as I did when I signed up for LJ in 2006. So if you feel you need to defriend me, that's fine, I'll still keep an eye out for your fic, but I would really like to get to know you a little better (either through LJ or IM). :)

Hi there. :) I'm glad you've enjoyed my stories, and I don't mind that you haven't commented on all of them. No big deal. Seriously. We've interacted before; I know that. That's good enough for me.

I'm not cutting anyone because they haven't commented "enough." People have lives; believe me, I know this. *g* It's just that there are some people I have had literally zero or almost zero interaction with, but they're on my f-list and therefore are able to view my f-locked entries. I'm guessing that most of them are only interested in the fic anyway, so they won't care that I'm defriending them.

It wasn't my intention to make a big deal out of all this. I just thought I'd post a blanket disclaimer so people would understand why they'd been defriended, if that happened. And if other people trickle through here and friend me for fic but never once contact me in some fashion, they'll know why I haven't automatically added them back. Just wanted to be straightforward about what I was doing.

So no worries. If we catch each other here on IM, that's great. If not, that's just fine too. No pressure. I'm easy. (Ok, maybe that didn't sound right. *g* )

Edited at 2008-02-01 05:00 pm (UTC)

Everybody has their own right to decide who they are telling their personal issues to. I know you're having some hard time and it must not be pleasant knowing that any one with an access to the net can know about it.

I use to make public entries but lock them after a few days, maybe silly entries, but I still don't like them to be there forever.

You choose and it's ok.


*hugs you back* Thank you, my friend. I don't mind sharing my troubles with friends, but I'm not looking to advertise them for the whole world to see. :) I can tell from your comment that you understand where I am coming from. And in case it isn't already clear, I have no intention of defriending you.

I added you for your fic and because you've commented on some of my stuff, so I thought it'd be nice, but as long as the fic stays unlocked, I don't really care if you wanna defriend me cuz you don't feel comfortable with me reading personal stuff. I don't even pay attention to that stuff, frankly, but lj friends are way different than rl friends in the sense that one of them could be a creepy stalker.
If you wanna friend me back, that's cool, too, cuz I love having cool Bones cyberfriends, but it's not a huge deal.

Thanks for commenting. :) I'm guessing that the vast majority of lj friends are lovely folks, and I generally try to assume the best about people. But the idea of sharing anything remotely personal with people with whom I have ZERO interaction does weird me out a bit. Hence the f-lock on some posts.

Bones cyberfriends are always welcome, so I've added you back.

I'm really glad you brought this whole subject up. Of course I agree whole-heartedly that if you (or I, or anyone for that matter) want to limit your audience for personal posts, then that is absolutely your right. And in this medium, de-friending is the way to do that, but I think sometimes people get stuck on the terminology - it sounds like a break-up. Everyone's privacy is their own to guard, in their own way, and we should all respect that. On a personal note, I like the idea of friending those you have interactions with, and not feeling obligated to keep 'friends' you don't interact with. Just my two cents (although I'm so wordy that was more like a nickel).

I love your nickels. *hugs you*

And the terminology is ridiculous. I abhor the drama I've seen come out of all this friending and defriending business. That said, I'm definitely not aiming for drama myself. It just seemed appropriate to post some kind of explanation because people have such different ideas about what they want to use LJ for, how they approach adding people, and so on.

ack, don't defriend me! Sorry, I should comment more, but I do read all of your entries :D

Edited at 2008-02-01 10:32 pm (UTC)

I'm not defriending you, and there's no pressure to comment, I promise. Don't apologize. I am well aware of the fact that we all have non-LJ lives, as evidenced by the fact that I am perpetually behind on responding to comments. *g* You're not a complete stranger to me; we've interacted before. :)

I understand. Most of the people on my flist are there because they want access to the flocked fic recs.

That's probably why I wanted in at first, too. Then I discovered what a lovely, thoughtful, level-headed woman you are. I'm happy to call you a friend, and I have LJ to thank for that. *smiles*

You have a right to see who reads your posts which is good. I only friended you so I could see the updates on your fics but now I understand how you are an amazing person and a lot to deal with :)

Thanks for commenting, Emily. I'm not amazing; I just have some problems--like every other person on the planet. :)

I arrived here a couple of days ago due to your fic which I am enjoying very much. I plan to read all of it - savoring every word and picture in my head. I miss tv more than is healthy.

I'll probably lurk for the most part, if that's ok, you can friend me if you like, whatever you're comfortable with.

Edited at 2008-02-04 05:39 pm (UTC)

Hi, Donna. :) Thanks for saying hello.

I'm with you on missing tv. *g*

Please lurk or comment as you see fit, and if that changes from moment to moment, that is perfectly fine.

This may sound weird because we don't know each other at all, but I was genuinely touched by the things you wrote in your journal about yourself, your grandfather, and the way you often don't let others know what's going on inside you. So I added you.

BTW, I suspect I know what you mean about being drawn to the lost and the broken.


I'm friending you because I love your fics, and you seem like an all-round nice person in general. And the Bones obsession doesn't hurt.

Feel free to add me back, or not. I'm pretty cool about those things as well.

Thanks, Jade. You probably know by now that I added you back. :)

Hi. Friending for your fabulous fic. I tend not to pipe up much. Thanks for all your writing!